Sunday, August 26, 2012

Project 13: Fertility Beer Tap Handle




This was made for an ob/gyn and her man. Can you tell?


 
Started with a design that would be handle-shaped and structurally sound enough to withstand constant drunken yanking.  Also thought it would make sense to combine a semi-religious fertility icon with the alcohol dispensing mechanism that results in most conceptions these days.



 
Obvious place to start.




 
Around 3:30 am the prototype was done.  Left it on the kitchen table for Katy to inspect when she woke up a few hours later. 


The morning reviews. Katy knows by now that I require constant, unequivocal encouragement to avoid sinking into despair and disrepair. 



 
Bolstered by Katy and ready for prime time. 



 
First attempt (left) ended in disaster when late that night I carelessly cut too much above the head and didn't leave enough legroom. Had to take a deep breath, stroll around the chicken coop, and start over again (right). 




The coupler that I bought would have required a huge distended rear and abdomen.


 
Cutting it down allowed for a slimmer waist. This stage was really fun, except for all the metal dust that made breathing difficult. 


 
Worried soul even at a tender age.


 
 
7 or so layers of poly and polishing later.


Evolutionary retrospective. 




Time for a cold mug of amniotic fluid. 














Sunday, March 4, 2012

Project 12: Squid Lamp

You know those CNN "News of the Weird" stories about Japanese fishermen who haul up a tuna net and find there, entangled in the netting, some huge squid monster? It just goes to show you, they're out there ....




This is the best I could do on my point and click camera, I promise it looks more monstrous and imposing in person.





Started with a beautiful piece of wood from some folks up in northern Wisconsin who have a basswood forest behind their house. They make their living the old fashioned way - keep a stockpile of seasoned wood, cut it to order and ship UPS. That must be the life. The squid will never find them there.






The legs were really fun to shape - very tricky to keep them swirling in all the right directions.






Finding the right globe was a grueling task, involving antique store scouring, surreptitious inspection of fixtures when visiting other apartments, fruitless wandering through the lighting district, scores of search terms and thousands of web clicks. (To save you the trouble, this is the Lowe's Harbor Breeze).




Finished legs, looking squidlike. Unfortunately, I couldn't find an animal adjective for "squidlike." The problem with this language is that it's so hard to express ... anything!





Bioluminescing in the deep ocean.





Ensnaring a whale!







Monday, January 23, 2012

Project 11: Piranha Nail Clipper

Manicurist purists - don't you hate when your significant other falls behind with their toenail maintenance, and you think to yourself, "Man, if I just could get them to wade in a piranha infested amazonian tributary for just a few minutes, my problems would be solved." Well, here is the next best thing.





Originally I planned to put the fin lever on the top, but this fish looked better with an underbite, so I had to flip it. This project was a daily struggle between fidelity to the original design and the realities of trying to fit a nail clipper into a wooden fish.

I have so much more respect for nature now - not that nature ever did this.





This tail was the result of a concerted effort to coax more fluid shapes out of the wood.





Body cavity, ready for insertion of the nail clipper.






Studded with inlay pegs - should have just left them sticking out as is. There must be phalanxed fish like this in a deep sea trench somewhere. Also, wouldn't it be a good idea to put fish sticks in the Marinara Trench?






First time using Tung Oil. Smells great, all natural, has been used for thousands of years and doesn't coat your fingers in a fine layer of plastic the way polyurethane does. On the other hand, you have to patiently apply layer after layer to get a good finish - or you can just apply one or two layers and get distracted by more pressing concerns. Did tartar sauce actually originate in Crimea?







Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Project 10: Howler Monkey Light Switch Cover





I’ll have to post this here for now, until the sister blog Cast The Whales is up and running.


It all started with a feverish late night vision. As fast as possible, I reproduced the vision in Microsoft Paint, lest it be forgotten like the last 2000 pages of Kubla Khan.







What do YOU think about late at night?


I won’t recount every step that followed, there are not enough megabytes on the internet. Here are some of the highlights.





My original model, before I comprehended how impossible it would be to melt enough brass for a three dimensional head this size.





Half a head is better than none.





The inimitable and indispensable David Silva packing sand into the casting flask. I could never have done this project without him. He is a master of metal and fire.





Making the impression.





Melting down the brass. Yeah!





As cool as this looks … still not hot enough.





Once the brass casting grains turn into liquid metal straight out of a special effect from the early 90s, a quick pour and then you just hope.





Looking good ….





Great success!




And then there were two. This must be how god felt after he made Eve from Adam’s ribcage.





After a few days worth of compulsive grinding and polishing, it looked like this.






Making the background was harder than I expected. I wanted the look of metal accidentally spilled into the pumice stones, but it took a lot of practice before we could produce this effect deliberately. W.K. Kellogg probably had the same problem when he tried to replicate Corn Flakes.



Kids - DO NOT spend an afternoon splashing molten metal straight into pans of pumice stone. I promise, it’s really boring.



David brazed together the pieces of splash metal with silver solder, another difficult and lengthy step that I am almost completely eliding over.



I won’t even mention the polishing, pumice-stone removing, acid staining and whatnot that happened in post-production. Let’s just go straight to the pig picture.

Who has the cuter gorilla face???



Almost forgot. This is …. a …. uh … light switch cover.












Originally posted December 2011

Project 9: Fish Fan Pull

I was feeling anxious. So I put down my worries and picked up a block. And then … a fish!


So far so good. But here’s what happened next. The wood had a knot, almost in the area where an eye should have been, but not quite. It would have been a really weird place for an eye. So I drilled out the knot, pounded in a peg, and cut it flush. This wasn’t the best idea. Now, instead of a small circle of discolored wood, there was a big circle of discolored wood. At that point, the only thing to do was keep going and drilling all sorts of holes all over the place, sticking pegs left and right.







Before long, the fish was a spotted fish. Point being, the solution to the problem made things worse, then it made things even better than if there had been no problem to begin with. This could be a philosophy I guess, but I don’t want to make too much of a piece of wood on a piece of bread.




I was pretty happy with the tail. Like the ones in One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.





After polyurethane and some plastic eyes, we were in business.








Originally published November 2011