Project 11: Piranha Nail Clipper

Manicurist purists - don't you hate when your significant other falls behind with their toenail maintenance, and you think to yourself, "Man, if I just could get them to wade in a piranha infested amazonian tributary for just a few minutes, my problems would be solved." Well, here is the next best thing.





Originally I planned to put the fin lever on the top, but this fish looked better with an underbite, so I had to flip it. This project was a daily struggle between fidelity to the original design and the realities of trying to fit a nail clipper into a wooden fish.

I have so much more respect for nature now - not that nature ever did this.





This tail was the result of a concerted effort to coax more fluid shapes out of the wood.





Body cavity, ready for insertion of the nail clipper.






Studded with inlay pegs - should have just left them sticking out as is. There must be phalanxed fish like this in a deep sea trench somewhere. Also, wouldn't it be a good idea to put fish sticks in the Marinara Trench?






First time using Tung Oil. Smells great, all natural, has been used for thousands of years and doesn't coat your fingers in a fine layer of plastic the way polyurethane does. On the other hand, you have to patiently apply layer after layer to get a good finish - or you can just apply one or two layers and get distracted by more pressing concerns. Did tartar sauce actually originate in Crimea?

Project 9: Fish Fan Pull

I was feeling anxious. So I put down my worries and picked up a block. And then … a fish!

So far so good. But here’s what happened next. The wood had a knot, almost in the area where an eye should have been, but not quite. It would have been a really weird place for an eye. So I drilled out the knot, pounded in a peg, and cut it flush. This wasn’t the best idea. Now, instead of a small circle of discolored wood, there was a big circle of discolored wood. At that point, the only thing to do was keep going and drilling all sorts of holes all over the place, sticking pegs left and right.

Before long, the fish was a spotted fish. Point being, the solution to the problem made things worse, then it made things even better than if there had been no problem to begin with. This could be a philosophy I guess, but I don’t want to make too much of a piece of wood on a piece of bread.




I was pretty happy with the tail. Like the ones in One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.





After polyurethane and some plastic eyes, we were in business.








Originally published November 2011

Project 8: Bird Pre-Engagement Ring

Modern lovers, you understand. Foisting a ring on another person feels wrong. All this talk about mutual respect and equality, and then you have to buy your beloved like a goat in Marrakesh?

On the other hand, what is so bad about a little romance? Thus the pre-engagement ring, until all interested parties can pick out a real ring and do everything else together.

Basswood, Spackle, Polyurethane, Fire Island driftwood, Amagansett seashells, Dead Horse Bay sea glass. Also Swarovski crystals from Beads World near Times Square, which is an amazing place if you haven’t been before. Or if you have.

The first challenge was getting a believable bird shape.




Attempt #1 looked more like a chicken, which wasn’t the effect I was going for.





Attempt #2 seemed slightly more graceful.





Then came two miserable weeks grinding glass for the talons, polishing, grinding again, polishing again, breathing glass dust, starting over when pieces disappeared in the backyard, choking on glass dust, grinding fingers when the pieces got too small to hold safely, being partially blinded by glass dust. These were troubled times.





Seashells, on the other hand, are really easy to shape. Plus, they generate lots of calcium powder for your tomato plants.





These are supposed to be legs. Either a shape registers in the mind correctly, or it doesn’t. It’s really cool when you make just a few rough cuts, and then all of a sudden, hey, this looks like a gorilla face! (Maybe this is also why “realistic” animal carvings are so boring … all the detail is superfluous). But if the mind has to stretch to see the intended representation, then something is wrong. Deliberate abstraction doesn’t change anything, and only makes the onus of clarity more important. Point being, I was never fully comfortable with these legs, but didn’t want to carve thinner ones or try for more detail, for fear of breaking them off altogether. Then again, bird legs are never in a natural ring shape, so this may not have worked even if they were as thin as matchsticks and scaly as a post office.






After I put the eyes on it looked more like a frog than a bird. That is less of a concern. Love, like a bird, can sometimes become love, like a frog.




Resolved: use spackle whenever possible.








Originally posted August 2011